It’s not uncommon to come into contact with a bottle of flying urine or stumble on a pile of sick uncomfortably close to your tent at a music festival, but for some poor souls out there three days of jollying around a field and drinking warm cider can turn VERY nasty.
Here are the most horrendous things that have happened to poor festival-goers who have lived to tell the tale.
1. Man gets stuck in a tent bag
Trying to pack up your festival gear and drag yourself home after a heavy night of festival partying is always a struggle, and leaving the camp site can seem near impossible. When you’re locked inside a bag, it actually is impossible.
Festival-goer Scott Johnson tweeted T in the Park’s official Twitter page to try to get help.
Police were quick to respond and reported that a search party was on the way.
Luckily, before Scott died from lack of oxygen, water and phone battery, one of his hilarious chums unzipped him and freed him into civilisation.
2. Teenager drops her bag in festival toilet and gets stuck trying to retrieve it
It’s the nightmare all festival fans fear; getting stuck in a toilet, staring a weekend’s worth of festival muck in the face. That nightmare became a reality for Charlotte Taylor in 2009, who was wedged in a horrific festival loo for 20 minutes while firefighters tried to free her. She’d dropped her bag, containing her phone, money and ticket, down the loo and attempted to retrieve it, only to find that she’d become trapped.
Charlotte told The Journal: “I put one hand down but I couldn’t reach so I put the other one down too to try and grab it. I had both my hands down the toilet. I was straining so far down that I got wedged.
“My shoulders were stuck on both sides and I couldn’t move at all. I was struggling and trying to get out and just made it worse. I kept saying to myself, ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe this is happening, it can’t be real’.
“Two firefighters got hold of me on either side and pulled and pulled at me. They pulled so hard I got bruises on my hips and shoulders.”
Sounds pretty grim but in our eyes, a couple of bruises aren’t a bad price to pay if it means being freed from a portaloo prison.
3. Woman crawls out of toilet, covered in waste
This picture started circulating on Twitter back in 2013, allegedly showing a girl who had just fallen into a toilet at Glastonbury after trying to be sick. Our heart goes out to this poor specimen – she was feeling a little peaky already, and somehow ended up with a face full of strangers’ faeces.
4. Man hides in toilet tank
Believe it or not, this has actually happened. In possibly the creepiest thing to happen at a festival EVER, Luke Chrisco was sentenced to three years in jail for hiding in a portable toilet’s tank to spy on women.
A yoga fan popped into the loo at a yoga festival in Boulder, Colarado, and was horrified to find a man peeping out at her from below the seat. A faeces-covered man was seen fleeing the scene, and police managed to catch culprit Chrisco after he openly admitted to enjoying watching women relieve themselves.
5. Woman forced to listen to Olly Murs
Disgruntled rock music fan Georgina Sutherland wasn’t too pleased when a fairground ride left her trapped hundreds of feet in the air after it temporarily broke down in 2013. However it wasn’t a fear of heights that made the ordeal particularly traumatic – it was the fact that she had to listen to Olly Murs’ set.
Georgina told The Sun she’d been planning to watch Seasick Steve, but was forced to listen to Murs’ pop hits including Locked Up and Dance With Me Tonight instead.
6. Everyone who has ever passed out outside their tent
It’s happened to the best of us. After one too many warm beers and shots of sambuca, you suddenly find yourself getting up close and friendly with the camp site floor. It’s down to your mates whether you spend the night tucked up in a sleeping bag, safe and sound in your tent, or if you become a human Buckaroo.
No, it’s not as gross as any of the above stories, but it’s still pretty horrendous waking up with a pounding headache and “TWAT” written on your face.
This was originally written for Snappa and published on Baltwick Express.